I Know You Wrote a Mary Sue Last Summer
by StinaBenna
Summary: When the Marauders stumble across a Mary Sue Fanfic...well, let's just say Sirius didn't want to touch that pink, fluffy, heart infested notebook in the first place...
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: We do not own either Harry Potter or the plot (thank you so much crazyroninchic! We love you!) We do...myself more than Psalm...own Raven. You may have seen her around before. She is a real Mary-Sue...I created her YEARS ago. Rather embarrassing, no?

Okay, this was initially on my account (CoalTrain) but we're moving it. So you, once we catch up to where I am on there, I'll delete it. I'll post something there so that those who read it on there can switch over.

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**The Notebook  
Chapter One**

"Have you guys seen my notebook?"

While Peter was once again asking his friends for perhaps the fifteenth time, neither of them seemed to be paying any attention to him. Remus had his nose in a book, furiously studying for their N.E.W.T.s. Lily would have been doing the same, but was distracted frequently by James, who was lying on the table trying to get her attention from her cram session onto him. She was hardly paying attention to him, however, and made a point of poking his hand with her quill to get him to stop.

The redhead, however, at least had the courtesy to smile at him quickly. "No, Peter. Sorry, did you check at the front desk?" James frowned as she once again was occupied with 'Potions: An Art of Mystery'.

Sirius was off trying to sneak into the restricted section for the third time that day, and was soon ushered back into their huddle by a very angry librarian who didn't waste time in smacking the mischievous Gryffindor upside the hide before returning to her desk.

"Man, never mind eyes in the back of her head. That woman has eyes coming out of her entire body," he glowered before glancing back. "Do you think she'd notice if I went under the book cases instead of over them this time? If I took out the section about water fungus I think I could squeeze through…"

Remus, however, let out a sigh before slamming his book shut. "Padfoot, if you make one more attempt to get in there, I swear I will drag you out of there myself…by your ear."

Making what could be very close to a canine whimper, Sirius glowered at Remus before crossing his arms and sighing. "Fine. Then I'll just preoccupy myself with the section on magic and the female body."

As he stormed off, a slight air of pride in himself, neither boys made an attempt to stop him, although Lily did glare and threaten a fate worse than death. Ignoring her, however, the black haired boy browsed through the selection, a smirk on his face. That is, until he found it. A feminine type squeal could be heard throughout the entire library, and a loud 'Quiet!' could be heard from the librarian, but that didn't stop Sirius from coming from the row of bookshelves in a rush. In one hand he held a book at arms length, hanging onto it only by pinching it before him while turning his head away from the sight.

"Peter, I think I found your notebook."

It wasn't a book. It was a notebook…a rather fuzzy, pink one at that. On the cover was an array of hearts, lace, and ribbons, not to mention 'beloved', 'soul mates', and other such phrases were embellished in red. In bold letters was written 'A Luv That Lasts 4Eva'

Sirius snickered and James smiled softly, while Lily and Remus just rolled their eyes. Peter himself shook his head, crossing his arms. "That's not it, mine's blue."

This caused every one of them to pause, glancing at Peter curiously while he spluttered and shook his head furiously. "I mean, not that mine looks like that. It's just not it…I don't have hearts or anything on mine…"

"Right…"

Frowning at Sirius' skepticism, Peter shook his head. "It's true. Mine was blue and had 'Peter Pettigrew, Year 7, Charms' written on it."

Pausing, he turned a shade of pink. He realized that he had just defended something a little too much.

Lily, however, gave him a supportive smile before glaring at Sirius. "What's inside it? Does it have a name or something?"

Blinking, Sirius had a sudden death-sentence look on his face. "Are you suggesting I read it?"

"Oh yeah…I forgot, you can't read," she rolled her eyes in frustration. Just open it up.

Sirius' voice once again got high, a pained look on his face as he shook his head frequently. "No," he protested in as defiant of tone as he could. When Lily crossed her arms, however, he suddenly sounded like a boy going through puberty. "But it's fuzzy!"

Neither of the four figures moved, and he sighed, opening it with very careful fingers, as though the book itself might contaminate him. When he finally got the first page open, however, he cringed. "I'm blind…since when did ink come in neon?" he demanded, brandishing the page for all to see. Every one of them cringed in horror, taking in the bright pink writing. Lily, however, prodded him to try and make some of it out. Gulping, he shook his head before allowing himself to calm down. Taking a look back at the pages, he managed to open his mouth, reading what he found on the first page.

_The Adventures of Raven Rose Jasmine Anastasia Dreams_

_The Most Beautiful Girl in the World_

_And the Love_

_That Surpasses All_

_"Ouch!"_

_Looking around, Raven Dreams—or rather Raven Rose Jasmine Anastasia Dreams—found her eyes widen in shock. Where was she?_

_"You are at Hogwarts."_

Stopping, Sirius suddenly snickered. "Wow, so are we. What a coincidence! I know what she means, N.E.W.T.s do leave you confused and in pain."

Glowering, Lily only had to shoot him a look before he surrendered.

"Right…right. Continue…"

_Freezing, Raven blinked, a confused looking crossing her face. "Who are you?"_

_"Ah, forgive me beautiful maiden—"_

_Well, Raven couldn't deny that. After all, she was rather beautiful, wasn't she? Not that she'd admit it…no, she was too modest for that. Tossing her hair over her shoulder, the array of midnight black strands shone brilliantly while her bright blue orbs danced with amethyst accents._

"Wait," James this time cut in, shaking his head. "You mean to tell me that she's got blue AND purple eyes?"

"Yeah…that's impossible. I mean, who has purple eyes? Even in the wizarding world?" Lily added while laughing slightly. This girl sounded absolutely ridiculous.

_"—I am Godric Gryffindor. I am a founder of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry. These are my co-founders: Salazar Slytherin, Rowana Ravenclaw, and Helga Hufflepuff. We have called you to come to the school because we fear a grave danger will come upon it. And we need you to help."_

_Giggling suddenly, Raven gave them the peace sign. "Like, no problem, homies. Tell me what you need and I'll gladly help! We're having casserole tonight…I'm definitely up for missing it!"_

_Chuckling from her jokes, amused by her sense of humor, all four founders joined in the bout of laughter before Salazar stepped forward. She was a muggle, but for some reason he found himself strangely attracted to her. He shook his head, however. A girl that beautiful surely wouldn't feel for him._

Gagging noises could be heard coming from the room, and they all turned to see the librarian running from the room, hand covering her mouth. The five Gryffindors, however, didn't even bat an eyelash. Instead, they sat scarred by what they were reading. The mere thought of Salazar being attracted to anyone, much less a muggle. Glancing between each other, it was clear no one actually wanted to read the story. But as Sirius started to close the cover, however, Lily suddenly snapped at him. "If you know what's good for you, you'll keep reading."

Shuddering, Sirius regretfully took a look back at the pages.

_And so young…she couldn't be older than 16, although she looked 18. Yet as he admired her figure, he suddenly found him snapping out of the phase when Rowena elbowed him in the side. Frowning, he wondered slightly why he had ever found her or Helga attractive in their own ways. They couldn't compare in beauty to this one. Besides them, he noted a jealous glare from Godric_

_"Oh, right, of course," he stammered before turning back to the girl. "Before you enter the school, you must be prepared for drastic changes. I grant you all magical powers."_

_And so Godric gave her a wand—it was made of a beautiful white wood, the core consisting of all main parts: a phoenix feather, a dragon's heartstring, a unicorn's tail hair, and a strand of veela hair. Rowena insisted that all four were necessary for a witch of her extraordinary powers._

_Raven blushed accordingly, although she knew in truth that it was right. She was the most powerful witch ever!_

_She was then given a set of brilliantly silver robes from Helga, and bestowed with the gift of wandless magic by Rowena, while Salazar made a point of saying there was nothing more he could give someone so beautiful._

_Giggling once more, she shrugged her shoulders. "Well, I try," she stated modestly, tossing her hair back over her shoulders. "Am I ready, now?"_

_"Maiden, you were born ready," Helga declared. "Now, you will be sent to meet with your charges. Make us proud."_

_And as she said that, she found herself floating in nothing. She was pleased with the feeling, but grinned suddenly when she realized that she had now fallen gently into, albeit, a lap accompanied by a boy with confused eyes—ones of a beautiful smoky blue color—but was soon turned into one of desire._

_"Well, hello," his dreamy voice came, and Raven found herself gaping at his sexiness. "I'm Sirius Black."_

_Twirling her hair in her fingers, not attempting to move, she giggled once more. "And I've been waiting for you all my life."_

And miles away, across the lawn, past the Quidditch Pitch and Lake, through the Forbidden Forest, into Hogsmeade, and well into the depths of Mordor…wait, wrong franchise…a scream of terror could be heard from a very much horrified Sirius Black.

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ANNOUNCEMENT: We want a new title for this, and Psalm136 and I came up with an idea. The reviewer who comes up with the best title (anonymous reviews are welcome) will be allowed to create their own Mary Sue who will make an appearance later in the story...Raven's best friend.

As a note, the "Mordor" part was a shout out to Never Leave Fanfiction Lying Around, which inspired this story. We hope you enjoy this story and let us know what you think would make it even more torturous for our favorite characters.  



	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: We do not own either Harry Potter or the plot (thank you so much crazyroninchic! We love you!) We do...myself more than Psalm...own Raven. You may have seen her around before. She is a real Mary-Sue...I created her YEARS ago. Rather embarrassing, no?

This chapter is quite a bit shorter than the last one, to give you a bit of a heads up...

NOTE: SOME of this has been added to. Not much, just a small sentence here and there. You don't need to reread it. Please, however, check at the bottom for a comment to all readers!

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In the real world, in the library, you might have been able to hear a pin drop. After shouting furiously at the book, half insane, insisting that his eyes were hazel, he had found himself falling silent. Hufflepuffs were hustling to study in the seats, the Ravenclaws were reading and reviewing their notes, the Slytherins were smirking, and the Gryffindors were gaping. Lily's book crashed to the floor as her eyes widened. She stared at Sirius who was currently curled up in a chair, twitching. He glared at anyone who came near him. Though he liked beautiful girls... no. No. He didn't want to TOUCH another girl. 

But that Ravenclaw in the corner was pretty...

No! Focus.

Trying to calm himself down, he began a breathing technique Madam Pomfrey had taught him when he had fallen off a broom--James had been showing off and knocked into him--and knocked the wind out of himself.

Sirius ran a hand through his hair, his eyes widening. "No, God, NO!" He moaned, falling off his chair onto the ground.

Lily stared at Sirius before bursting out in laughter. "Haha! The creepy whore wants you!" She taunted him, before regaining her composure and remembering the horror and the literary sin this... story... was committing. She made a face.

Remus was amused, having put his book down. He, too, thought it was gross and disgusting beyond all reason, but it was aimed at Sirius. That, my friends, was just too funny. He cleared his throat and smirked. "Oh, Sirius, I think Miss Raven fancies you." He said dryly.

"Really?" Peter asked, actually wondering.

"No, she just wants to do it with him." James replied. "I'm almost sorry, Sirius." He grinned.

"Almost?" Sirius squeaked.

"Yeah, just glad its not me."

"Here, I wanna read!" Lily snatched the evil book of DOOM and dropped it onto the desk in front of her.

Raven looked around the Gryffindor common room, for that was where she was, and sighed happily. The extremely sexxah stud that held her on his lap was...

"I'm guessing ugly." James said with a nod, feeling quite queasy.

"Definitely." Lily added as Sirius twitched from where he laid on the floor.

_…completely gorgeous…not to mention sexy…_

Remus rolled his eyes. "Didn't see that one coming."

_Raven looked around at the big room with a big fire. There were tons of kids laying about. "So, who here should I know?" She asked Sirius, stroking his face._

In the library, Sirius was rubbing his hands against his face, trying to get the idea of a touch off. He slowly got up onto his face, with shaky legs, and sat down at the table Lily and James were sitting at. His normally slightly tanned face was quickly draining of all color. He didn't feel good either. He felt seriously violated, but there was a nagging feeling it was only going to get worse.

Peter, however, was simply confused. He knew that Sirius had gone out with a lot of girls, but he had no idea one would write a STORY about him... and in such a way. He didn't feel too well either.

_Sirius, holding her close, pointed to the group on the couch. "There's James, Peter, Lily, who is nothing compared to you," At this, Raven giggled. Duh! "And Remus. He's the smart one."_

_"Smarter than you?" Raven made a face. "I don't think so."_

_Sirius chuckled at this and kissed her gently, ever so lightly, on her ruby red lips with silver outliner. "Haha, you are funny, oh astounding one."_

"I've never said the word 'astounding' in my life!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Yeah, too many syllables." James quipped and Lily laughed.

"Wait... silver outliner?" Remus was disgusted at the mental image. "Girls actually wear that?" He looked at Lily.

"Apparently..." She trailed off, horrified by the idiocy of her own gender. "Why can't they just be smart and READ?!"

"Because there are too many hot guys out there." James replied wryly, almost throwing up. He had said 'hot' while describing guys. He grabbed Lily's hand, just to assure himself of his heterosexuality.

"Its okay, James." She whispered before continuing.

_Raven looked over the group. Lily was an ugly chica, James was HOT, Peter was U-G-L-Y ( she couldn't even bring herself to think that word when talking about a guy), and Remus was bookish, but in an attractive way. _

_"But tell me, beautiful one, how did you get here? Where are you from?" Sirius asked, breaking through her thoughts._

_Raven was extremely turned on by his voice. It was sexy and deep, but had a lightness and tenor sound to it._

Lily looked impressed. "Wow. You should talk like that sometime."

"Yeah, knock 'em dead, tiger." Remus added, a grin on his face.

Sirius slammed his head down on the desk. "Why me?!?" He groaned.

Suddenly his eyes widened, turning to James with a grin. "Hey, James! You know, I think we should try out that new trick on Snivellus! It could be rather amusing and would definitely--" his thoughts of escape were ended as Lily waved her wand, sending his fleeing figure back into the chair.

"Not on your life," she declared, continuing with the story.

_"No where important. What matters is that I'm here now," she grinned suggestively, and Sirius couldn't hold himself as he dove forward, their lips locking._

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Like stated, unfortunately shorter . We still do not have a title that we're looking for, so keep them coming! 

We have come up with a title after I had my own incident with horror movies this weekend (as a note, I keep having nightmares). So sorry for anyone whose ideas were excluded.

Further note, when we updated this story, we got 5 more watchers, 1 new favorite, and 1 review (thank you so much, Tobokeru!). I realize some of you have other stuff to do, but is it really too much to ask that you review? We don't get paid to bring you any entertainment, so is it too much to ask for some feedback? I'm not saying I'll go review-Nazi on you like I do with most stories. It's just, almost insulting. Every story that I enjoy (I will never belittle anyone by flaming them, and most take constructive criticism as that) I review, because they are writing the story for us to read. The least they can get for their time is some reviews. It's basically our pay! All authors know this. And from this point on, all logged in authors will get a story read by one of us authors and we will personally review it (as long as it's from a fandom we like, and trust me--we do like several so it's rare that it happens.)


	3. Chapter 3

**Just so everyone knows, if you review and you have a story up, we will review that story. It's like any good relationship. You give and then you take... then you hopefully take a little more. Yes, I do realize that sounds stupid, but oddly enough... I'm okay with that. Stina out! Enjoy the chapter.**

"Oh, what's next? I wanna hear what's next," Remus laughed slightly, prodding Lily with his feet. He was nearly begging, and practically collapsed onto the floor, overcome with laughter. It was too great…the humiliation Sirius was going through right then. Sure, it distracted them from his studies and N.E.W.T.s were almost there. But hey, one didn't get these chances that often.

The whole library had started to clear out now. Most students were either to horrified from what they were hearing, or irritated by the fact that they couldn't hear anything but occasional screams coming from Sirius. Even his fangirls had packed their bags, shouldering them and walking out, wondering perhaps if he was losing a touch of his sexiness…not to mention sanity.

"No!" Sirius pleaded, pouting his lower lip and tried to use his not-smoky blue eyes to convince Lily to stop right then. And to possibly join him in a tribal dance as he set the notebook in a bonfire.

Rather than even giving him the slightest sign of pity, the red-headed prefect smirked. "Second year, May 23rd, you put a flobber worm in my pumpkin juice."

Cringing, noting her sudden look, Sirius had a sick feeling that she was going to use this story as a way to get back at him for the past 7 years of their lives knowing each other.

"Fine," he muttered darkly, although he shot her a look. He sent his apologies to James for being so smitten with her. She must have put him under some sort of spell. After all, how could a man chase after a girl for 5 years while she hated him? Hell, he knew he wouldn't do it. Then again, he was normal. He didn't have a set girl. Any would do for him.

EXCEPT one particular Raven Rose Jasmine Anastasia Dreams.

Groaning as Lily started the story up again, he managed to avoid the temptation to cover his ears somehow. He wasn't sure whether he was growing up…or the fact that James had pinned his arms to his side.

It had been two weeks since Raven had arrived and the couple had already made out in every room in Hogwarts. They had even managed to get into all of the other common rooms thanks to her quick wit in guessing their passwords—and then getting into the headmaster's office by sweet-talking the gargoyles.

"_Ah, my love—"_

"I swear to GOD if that's me talking right there, I am suing this girl," Sirius declared, his nails digging into his chair, leaving small chips in the wood. For a moment James thought he was transforming into his animagus counterpart—but soon realized that Sirius was foaming at the mouth out of horror rather than his dog form salivating.

"—_these days we have spent together have been amazing. I am grateful that I have been graced by your presence, and that you want me rather than any other man here."_

Sirius quickly began to chant 'She wants Snape, She wants Snape,' but unfortunately no one else picked up on it and they left his worst thought confirmed.

"_Oh Siry-poo. I could never love anyone more than you. You're just really lucky."_

_And he was, too. Raven could have chosen any of the boys who went to Hogwarts. On occasion she would catch the eye of a Lucius Malfoy. She was pretty sure that she could pull off a relationship in both ways if she wanted to. They never spoke to each other and they would both be grateful just to have her. But she wasn't that kind of girl. She was made for one man only, and that was Sirius. Their beauty was matched perfectly—well, almost._

"Lucky me," came Sirius' sarcastic remark, only for him to receive a death glare from Lily. "Sorry…"

"I know I am. I'm so glad that Dumbledore let you stay in Gryffindor. That way I have something to do when Remus is studying, Peter is being stupid, and James is doing whatever that isn't as important as you are."

Tears started to come to Sirius' eyes as he heard how the storyline was going on. Had he not seen a bit for himself, he would have thought Lily was making it up as she went along.

"_Well, we could really do something right now."_

"_Like what?"_

_Raven giggled as she tugged his arm, leading him up to the boy's dorm. The moment he saw them, Peter bowed down at their feet, showing his unworthiness before he ran out. "You know what I want," she declared as she leaned forward giving him a kiss._

"She's not serious, is she?" Remus asked, his eyes widening.

"What?" Peter asked, frowning as he chewed on his pencil.

"Are you sure?" Sirius asked softly, love shining in his eyes. He didn't want to do it if she didn't.

"_I don't think I've ever been more ready in my life."_

James choked on absolutely nothing, not sure what to say. He saw Sirius curled up in his chair, swiping at an imaginary Raven. "Get back!" the scarred Gryffindor declared to absolutely nothing.

And then Sirius, nodding in agreement, started—

"OH MY GOD!" Lily shouted, throwing the book away from her before running to one of the windows, sucking in deep breaths. "It's only the second chapter. There wasn't even any character development!"

Very carefully, James picked up the notebook, as if it would bite him before taking a deep breath and looking at the page. He turned a bright shade of pink before quickly flipping it over. Then a third time. Glancing at Sirius, his eyes widened. "Feathers, lace, and champagne."

Taking a look at the next page, he shuddered. "Sirius you…you dog! Candles…leather…you did WHAT with your wand?"

In the blink of an eye, Remus had grabbed the notebook out of James' hands and started pawing through it. "I'm sure no one will mind if I skip this all."

"Not at all," Sirius declared meekly, crouching lowly in his chair as if he couldn't see the story, it didn't exist.

"Twenty-three pages later," Remus grimaced before finally settling on the next page. "Is everyone ready?"

A chorus of three 'yeses' came back while a strangled 'no' emerged from the cushions.

"The aye's have it."

"Assholes."

"Speaking of which, do you want me to go to that particular page in your little escapade?" Remus asked threateningly.

His answer was a pillow thrown at his head while James threw a fist in the air.

"Onward!"

**There it was. I'm pretty sure it was a disappointment. All my muse left. I tried my best and I hope you enjoyed it. I feel like a failure and I apologize so much for it. If you have any ideas or suggestions, please let me know. I've really lost it . Ack, I sound emo.**


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